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july 22-25, 2004
"so, are you guys all gay?"
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after many days of late nights and continuous flows of consumption...i come to the conclusion that everyone's (well mine especially) mental capacity had been severely diminished. and that the only hope for one in that state of mind, is to remain with the herd. to stray away from one's herd can lead to devastating consequences...
1) mike & mike decide to book the 11am flight home (to see loved one's earlier and earn some brownie points at home). oops, started to stay from the herd early on - big mistake #1 -- needed other carousers to drag one to the the airport at the proper time.
2) mike & mike wander looking for coffee at 7:45 am don't get on the road to 8 oops. mike l sticks plastic bag in pocket in case of car sickness.
3) mike t (driving insanely fast) somehow strays from 99 to 99a which goes the opposite way of the airport in vancouver! mike l can barely see straight, let alone try and re-navigate back to 99. didn't help to ask the chinese guy, who sped us even further off track. mark goodman who was in the front seat was no help. he tosses the map to me. oops, 45 minutes lost in translation.
4) no time to fill up the gas tank - oops - there goes major $$ at $2.25/liter to fill up the tank at the rental car agency - why didn't we prepay at $0.79/ltr! ouch....another big oops...
5) run to the check-in with luggage...it's 10:30am for an 11am flight...the check in girl says "no way your getting on that flight...customs has an 1 1/2 hr line". d'oh!
6) get re-booked on a 2:55pm flight. gee, what do we do for four hours?...do we get breakfast?, lunch?, strip club?, think about renting a small 7" dvd player and watch a movie?, nah........mike t says "hey, remember that 1/2 a bottle of vodka we have in the luggage".. get two large cranberry juices with ice, straw, and large coke cup...now we're talking.........................................see sign for airport fairmont hotel - right at our terminal!......strong feeling for more alcohol and must check it out...they have nice, soft, comfy couches to sit in...order more cocktails and food.....thoughts of melissa rubbing my neck and...........look at watch - 2:25pm!!! oh no! run to check-in, run to customs, run thru security, run to gate as the plane is leaving the station at 2:55 (on time...damn those canadians!). d'oh! where's the herd when you need them.
7) next possible chance to get out of town...4:35 flight that most of the herd is on. standby only.....m&m have high hopes that the main herd did the detour to the strip club and they will fall into the same customs trap....no such luck...main herd goes home. one bit of luck, the airline says..."sorry about that gentlemen, this must be our fault, here is a hotel for the night on us plus $12 each for dinner and $7 each for breakfast...be here at 5:30am for a 7:10am flight"...ok, eh!
8) m&m take the shuttle to the hotel, have more beer with dinner, and do we go wild and find the strip club?.....oops no...too discouraged from our own blunders of the day, can't seem to pull it together for that last night out...go see a movie...of course we take the "scenic" route to the theater, no thanks to bad directions from the front desk...see bourne supremacy - one long, long chase scene (and unfortunately, no naked girls in the movie).... finally end up for one last cocktail at the hotel bar --- one local drunk lumberjack canadian gives mike t a looong hug. when the local finds out we're from sf, he shouts "why the hell would you live there! i hate that place!" we leave him behind and run out the back door as fast as possible...the only thing on tv was this old lady talking about sex from call-in listeners...nothing like grandma talking about erections with a full visual diagram (which way was that club?)...what a nightmare...4:30am wake up call came all too early...
that was our f*#$@# day from hell. next year, please book me on the same flight as the herd and point me in the right direction home! moooo....
- mike l.
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